Today, I am having a little pity party for myself. I rarely do this, but I think I have earned this one. I, as well as my family, have been through a lot these last 3 years or so. I’ve battled cancer, started and finished law school, learned to deal with my husband’s insane travel schedule while doing all the necessary mom, home and school things. My husband has also been through three rounds of layoffs where he works and has survived them all but it has affected him in that his workload has increased and he (as well as I) know that his job is far from secure (is anyone’s?). We have far too many friends who have been laid off and I see the fall out daily from the implosion of the automobile industry here in Michigan – foreclosed homes, shuttered businesses, worried faces. You can’t get away from it in this state and it’s gotten to be very depressing. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been having my own meltdown for the past 6 months or so. I graduated from law school in December but I haven’t taken the bar because I was (and still am) exhausted and I didn’t have the energy or discipline to study for it. I decided to take some time off to just be and think but as the economy has continued to tank around me so has my spirit and optimistic self. I have never been so down for so long and I hope that writing and expressing my thoughts here will help me to get past all that we have been through and allow me to move on. I am generally a happy go-lucky driven glass-half-full person and not being able to get myself out of this funk is truly driving me nuts!
So, now that I have that off my chest, I can write about what’s truly driving my thoughts this morning. Last night, I was sitting on the couch watching the end of the Detroit Tigers game and enjoying a glass of wine. My youngest son, T-Bone, came in from playing outside and sat next to me on the couch. Almost immediately after sitting down, he started to shake and I put my arms around him at which time he burst into tears. T-Bone is big for his age of 9 years, he’s very athletic and he has a very sweet and caring disposition – he’ll be a gentle giant when he grows up. He also rarely cries. So, when he burst into tears yesterday evening, I knew something was up. He didn’t miss his brother (see next paragraph), nobody had been mean to him, he wasn’t hurt – he missed his dad. Yes, his dad, my husband, is back in Louisville this week. He wasn’t supposed to be there this week or next, but I’ve learned not to hold my breath anymore. He has been gone over 100 days since February of this year (yes, single moms are my heros!) and it’s really starting to take a toll on us all, him included. To make matters worse, yesterday evening he called and said his truck was shaking badly when he accelerated so he had a co-worker follow him to a repair shop to drop it off. Our best guess at the moment is that he threw a rod but we won’t know for sure until it’s looked at sometime today. I told him to include the repair in his expense report – Ha!
While T-Bone is sorely missing his dad, I am really missing my oldest son who has been away at camp for the past eight days. We will pick him up this Sunday, August 9th and I can’t wait to see him and hear all about his camp experience. We have not been able to talk to him since I dropped him off as cell phones are not allowed and even if they were, there is little to no service. I know he is in good hands and he is doing what he loves which is singing and acting. He is my hockey player but boy does he love singing, especially when it’s a part of musical theater. We didn’t even know he could sing but he came home from school one day while he was in third grade and told us he had the boy solo in their music concert. I was both excited and terrified for him. I was going through chemo at the time and I couldn’t stop the tears that poured from my eyes when I heard him sing for the first time. That’s why there is only one picture of him (which is not the best pic) at the microphone – I was in awe listening to a most beautiful voice. My husband did videotape it though and I still tear up everytime I listen to it.
My husband just called. It was a tie rod and bearing on the left side, just under $700 for the repairs. But at least he’ll be home (I’m not holding my breath though!) on Friday – yay!
